Coming of Age in the Time of AIDS
by Lynn Heinisch, CARE staff
"My parents hadn’t been telling me about sex or about AIDS. They should have, but they also feel shy," she said, sitting next to her mother, Rambeti.
Rambeti was married at 15 to a boy she had never met. For their first meetings, following custom, she covered her face with a veil, so didn’t know what her husband looked like. Nor did she know what sex was. She thought he was attacking her.
Now 48, Rambeti has three sons and two daughters. But cultural norms remain strong.
"We are very reserved. We maintain distance in our relationships," she said. "I know what Mamta is learning, and she tells her sisters-in-law, but we don’t discuss it."
Mamta attends weekly meetings at a youth resource center run by the Deepam Educational Society for Health (DESH), a non-profit agency working with CARE in the Jahangirpuri neighborhood of Delhi. Some 500,000 people live in Jahangirpuri, created in 1976 when the government moved urban squatters out of the city center to an area nearly an hour away by car. The Varmas live in a mint green house in block A. Theirs is one of the nicer homes, with electricity and a TV. For the festival of Diwali, their front balcony was covered in blinking lights and garlands.
Three years ago, DESH representatives came to the neighborhood to teach young women "life skills" such as communication, decision-making and assertiveness, as well as provide them with health information and vocational training. CARE provides partners like DESH financial and technical assistance to improve sexual and reproductive health and promote safer sex practices in 22 cities. Mamta’s friends attended the weekly meetings and soon she did too, sneaking off without telling her mother. She ultimately became a peer educator, leading sessions at the center.
"I didn’t know how it would be received if my mother knew I was going there," she said. "If my mother doesn’t tell me these things, how can I tell these things back to her?"
Listening to her daughter, Rambeti acknowledged, "The truth is, times have changed."
Rambeti said she was sheltered as a girl, never leaving the house, though she completed eight years of school. She and her husband have a stand in the market selling "gol guppas" — deep-fried semolina balls, served with a syrupy mix of tamarind, hot pepper and yogurt. Mamta, who also attended eight years of school, runs the home while her parents work.
HIV infections have sharply increased in India in the last decade. An estimated 5.1 million people are living with HIV, more than any country but South Africa. By 2015, roughly 12 million Indians may die from AIDS, with another 49.5 million between 2015 and 2050. At .9 percent, the prevalence rate is relatively low compared to other affected countries, but the UN projects the figure to rise to 1.9 percent by 2019.
The epidemic is shifting from "high-risk" groups such as truckers or sex workers to the general population and from urban centers into rural locations, affecting an increasing number of women and young people. More than 35 percent of reported cases occur in people between 15 to 24 years old. In 2004, one-fifth of HIV cases were housewives. According to UNAIDS, 90 percent of infected women have had only one sexual partner.
"All women need to know their rights," said Rambeti, who is active in the country’s Congress party. She joined in 1976, when Indira Gandhi campaigned on a platform to give Jahangirpuri residents property rights.
DESH focuses on girls, a representative said, because "girls suffer more" due to gender imbalances. Many girls are restricted from leaving their homes and are responsible for most of the housework.
The Varma family is preparing to marry Mamta soon. Though they haven’t chosen the groom, she said, they have her picture ready to show the prospective family. Like her mother, Mamta will wear a veil for the first meetings with her husband. She is looking forward to getting married.
"I am the kind of girl who could decide who I want to marry," she said. "But I really love my father and that would really hurt him."
Speaking in private with another young Indian woman, Mamta talked candidly about AIDS. She described ways the HIV virus is spread and how to prevent transmission. She said she will feel confident telling her husband to wear a condom.
"Before, I didn’t know anything. If a boy teased me, I used to run away. Now I know my rights. I can go to the police if I want to," she said. "If I feel any struggles, I can find a solution."
- Read CARE President and CEO Peter D. Bell's World AIDS Day letter
- Find out more about CARE and how we're empowering people to fight AIDS
- Visit CARE's AIDS Info Center
- Read CARE staff member Elizabeth Owuor-Oyugi's first-hand account of AIDS and its effect on her family
- Learn how CARE is helping families overcome the stigma of AIDS in Africa
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